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CLUB MED...MED, AS IN SHORT FOR MEDICAL EMERGENCIES!09/15~30

CLUB MED...MED, AS IN SHORT FOR MEDICAL EMERGENCIES!

CLUB MED… MED, AS IN SHORT FOR MEDICAL EMERGENCIES!

September 15 ~30, 2008

~Carb’s got a French souvenir…no, not the petite amie who’s still lookin’ for lovin’ (and food)…haven’t yet broken the news to her that the guys are impotent! No, Carb’s souvenir’s even more permanent than “till death do us part”! Carb’s acquired French stitches! Just when I thought I had life kind of under control, apparently an impossibility, and I was finally able to relax and reap the joys of a month and a half’s hard labours, Carb comes home with a hole in his chest! Fuck, more writing material! It actually may have been there a day or two and I just didn’t know it yet, till I was holding him on my lap, tummy up, not a position of normal posture for Carb, and there it was…a very clean hole in his skin about the size of a toonie or a 2 euro coin! Jeeeeeeeesuuuuuuus, don’t panic Dana! First a phone call for a taxi…and all of a sudden telephoning in French felt natural, and a good thing I kept the business card from my unhappy taxi/moving company…then a direct visit to Le Vet, looking up “my-cat’s-hurt” kind of words in my French/English dictionary en route! Carb got an all-inclusive (anaesthetic, drugs, shave, needle and thread etc.) overnight stay at THE most expensive hotel in Montpellier! Told the vet Carb only speaks English and un peu d’espagnol…so I don’t think there was a lot of conversation going on that night…but he made up for it during the taxi ride home! He was overjoyed to be home in a still-WAY-too-over-drugged kinda way, even purring knocked him off his feet! Poor guy…poor ME…but, we’re both survivors! And Gas? Well, he seemed OK with the whole experience…he had me, the nightly treats and Clic-Clac all to himself!

~So after Carb is home stitched and sound, life is seemingly under control once again, MORE writing material arises! Carb rips his stitches and I can see inside him once again! Of course the discovery is made “after-hours” so we wait till morning ‘cause I can only IMAGINE the cost of “emergency” stitches after paying for “regular working hours” stitches…but I don’t panic, as that very day I had by-passed Le Vet’s and asked for extra bandages…so I patch Carb up for the long night’s sort of sleep. Next morning, another unhappy taxi ride for everybody: naturally for Carb who’s falling apart at the seams and hates our mode of transport, for me because each taxi ride is one less case of red wine I’ll be drinking, for the taxi driver because he’s afraid Carb’s cage is “dirty” when I put it on his precious back seat…oh yeah, plus probably the yowling screeches coming from said dirty cage! So at Le Vet’s Carb gets a series of rapid staples without anaesthetics with me holding him and a corset to wear home, all for only 15 Euros! Jeeze, cheaper than the cab ride! I think Gas was pissed off because Carb didn’t overnight it again and because he didn’t get new clothes to wear like Carb! So I hope this story has an ending eventually…don’t worry, I’ll keep you posted!
~Le Montpellier Vet has become what I figure is Carb’s “home away from home away from home”!

~P.S. Why don’t veterinarian offices have separate waiting rooms for dogs and cats?

~So now the cat’s list of “Top 10 Worst Enemies” has been modified…

1 Sharp things that rip holes in skin (applies to Carb only)
2 Vets, all nationalities
3 Any mode of transportation other than paws, especially airplanes, taxi rides to Vet’s and Spanish train station x-ray machines
4 Cat-eating Clic-Clacs (applies to Gas only)
5 French fleas
6 Dogs, some, most
7 Collars (Gas again)
8 Diarrhea and long fur combos (Gas)
9 Stuck fur balls
10 Hiccoughs (applies to Carb only…comes from drinking from the tap
is my guess)

~So, I think I found the culprit of this update’s featured highlights…a French fence…do they not understand that Carb is the stray of all strays and doesn’t take kindly to confinement!

~Carb is a dawn and dusk I-wanna-be-outside kinda guy…unfortunately, dawn is a dirty word in my lifestyle!

~Remember Jeep my new vélo vehicle and remember the “creative” car drivers I mentioned in my last update…well, never in my life have I so wanted to look geeky and wear a bicycle helmet while cycling! Helmet head is soooo worth it in Montpellier!

~So for a month I thought something in the cupboard under my kitchen sink had died and NOT made it to heaven! I have a mystery space behind this cupboard but was too afraid to investigate! Then I suspected an open vertical pipe, which I think is an exhaust for something or other, as the culprit of stink and constant cultivation of fruit flies, so I dumped half a bottle of bleach down the pipe, crossed my fingers and voilà, no more fruit flies! Bad smell gone!

~Everyday I assign myself one mission…some days I accomplish two missions and that’s just a huge day! Hence, Jeep. Feet just aren’t cut out for the size of this city. I prefer thunder thighs over funky feet! My morning is consumed with looking up all possible vocab that might be needed to accomplish the daily mission and mapping out a tangible bike route, then my afternoon…accomplishing my mission. This may sound retardedly time consuming, but when you live in a world that’s not yours, life is a lot trickier than you’re used to. It is getting easier though…not so much because my language is improving, slightly, but just because one can actually get good at blundering one’s way through the unknown. And every time I get a little overconfident…I fuck up!

~The French dress “like there is no tomorrow”! So, I analyzed my international wardrobe of 4 outfits, which took 30 seconds, and decided my flared Parisian jeans I bought back in 2004 are looking a little dated! And I have a pair of holey Lauren-leftover cords that could be repaired if only I had packed my sewing machine. So then I priced jeans! So then I found an alteration store and agreed that a hole and flare-removal would give me two new pair of pants at 1/3 of the cost of one pair of Montpellier jeans. So now I have French stitches too!

~About the language…I am learning lots, it’s just that stuff just doesn’t stick the same as when you’re young. Sometimes I’ll hear a word within a conversation and spend 5 minutes trying to unbury it’s meaning from the depths of my brain…I have a really deep brain!

~I’ve concluded the only things the French and Spanish have in common is their plugs (and sockets) and they both pronounce WiFi the same (wrong) way!

~Another funny French word:
~French word for walkie-talkie…is talkie walkie…that’s just backwards!

~So I haven’t actually started looking for a job yet…hard to psych oneself up for guaranteed rejection! I’m still in the thinking process of determining the path of least resistance! One has to be careful whom one tells of their illegality! Carb and Gas are the only ones here with “papers” but they’re not the employable type!

Jusque le mois d’octobre,
C’est moi, dana et mes chats carb et essence
xox

Posted by hiitsdana 07:53 Archived in France

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